Good effort of studying and learning the HTML Codes, self.

Sometimes, people forget their true worth simply because they are not reminded enough of just how special they are. You are one of these people, Kar Chun. And I would like you to know just how special you are so that you would always, always remember this.

It seems like I've known you all my life, from the days back then in kindergarten to this very day. We were always close, even from primary. You are almost like family to me. Chasing around with each other, making paper stars and paper cranes together, having those silly little fights along with Eevern, Pui Yee and Ei Jane; thats us in primary. You were such a happy kid. Maybe life was simpler then, before reality of life dawned on all of us.

Everything changed after Form Two. I was beyond shocked when it happened, I was...in disbelief. I remember how Vivien and I hugged you that night at the funeral and all we did was just cry. And it was a day before your birthday. I couldn't.. I couldn't bring myself to even wish you that day. It isn't that I've forgotten or that I didn't remember your birthday. But it is just that even after all the years, I still couldn't. Couldn't bring myself to wish you or get you a present on your birthday because I know that despite being your birthday it is also a day you wished you never had to go through. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never said a word to you that night at the funeral. Because at the moment, what do I say? What should I say? For once, words seemed to have failed me.

I never told you all these years for fear that it would trigger memories I know you rather not remember but I'm telling you now so that you would know. At least for you to know come every 15th and 16th May that people care, people remember. I do. You know... a day or two before what happened, your dad was waiting for you outside the school compound when I saw him after school. He spoke to me, asking me how I was doing in class and how you were like at school. He laughed when I said you were really talkative in class and always fighting with Kah Weng.

I still remember how he would always smile at me whenever I greeted him outside the school compound. All those times I went over to your house to play, he always made me feel at home. And he always referred to me as the "clever girl" back then in primary. He was an amazing person, I remember something in particular that he told me - to never give up no matter how many times I fail because it is always worth it till the end, not the success but the attempts to succeed. He was a great loss, to you, to your family, to me, to all of us. God always has His ways of telling us the way of life. But I always believe that He who was gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the loving man.

You struggled, I know you did. And all I could do was watch from the side because I was so helpless. You hid yourself from all of us and you would always sit alone at the back of the class during lessons. And we were all so afraid to approach you, unsure of the things we could say or do to make you feel better. You drifted away from all of us. You got angry really easily, banging the tables and throwing chairs whenever somebody annoyed you or when the class gets too noisy. You built walls around you and you wouldn't let us in. There were a few times when you yelled at all of us, when you yelled at me for disturbing you and I blame myself for them, for knowing all of these but never say or do anything to help you. I did try, but I guess I could've tried harder to understand you.

Come Form Three, you became close to my brother thanks to taekwondo lessons and I was really thankful that at least there was somebody you can rely on, somebody you can relate to. Maybe it was deceitful of me, but most of the time you talked to my brother about something, I was always there around trying to figure out if you were okay so that when he goes back to Singapore you could talk to me about it. Nicole and I too were always trying to talk to you, keeping you accompanied online. Finally and slowly, I started seeing glimpses of the Kar Chun I know in kindergarten and primary, the Kar Chun I've missed so much.

A few months before, when I struggled with my mum's illness and problems at home, you told me something nobody else did - to keep holding on, to fight for what I'm worth for. And at that time you didn't know what was going on because I never told anybody about what was happening. You might not remember, because it was something very brief and random you've said to me at the moment but it made me remember what your father has told me. That was one of the things that keep me going eventhough it was a difficult phase for me to get through. And that is just how special you are. In little ways you wouldn't even know or realize (:

My mum once told me that you and your mother are probably one of the strongest people our family knew, because at the night of the funeral, your mother never shed a single tear. Your father would've been really proud of you, Kar Chun. To see the person you've become, to see how much you've grown over the years. Because I am. I am so proud of you.

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Fragments.

Everything seems so abrupt and quick, how time has passed us by. Days, weeks, months and eventually years. Ascending as each day passed by. And little by little what we had blossomed into a great span of years worth of beautiful memories. Each one, bittersweet and heartfelt than the other. Even when everything changes with time and we could only watch as the tides came and went, the current pulling us further away from who we used to be; something remained the same. We stayed at this same spot with all the remnants of the promises and words we've said. When it began to rain and red tears fell from the sky, we know just when to come back to this spot to lick the wounds because we know either one would be there for the other. Tears would be shed, feelings would be hurt, faith would be broken but they would all go away because the comfort of having each other seals up the wound effortlessly.


You always seem to know.
When something is amiss. That when I'm mad at you, all you have to do is make me laugh and I'd be okay again. That when I don't say anything, it would mean that I'm fighting it back and that is when I needed to be alone because words would seemed too meaningless and difficult for me to be said at that moment. That there is always something about the way I act or smile that doesn't meet the eyes when something is wrong. That sometimes what I say isn't really what I mean to. That sometimes I only needed to cry when it hurts and you let me to because you know I would be alright after I do so. That you would be not furious, not angry but raged when something or someone makes me cry because you always say I don't deserve to.

I know it has been years. And we don't talk about it. But I would really want you to know all of these, all these things I've never told you through the years. Whenever I reminisce, there seems to be a huge blank of what happened that time. Because I wasn't there. And I kept telling myself since after that it would have been different if I was. I remember being so mad, so angry I stopped talking to you days after that. So angry because I couldn't understand why you did so or what made you did so. But somehow eventually I started to after that.

Jo Yee wasn't the only one who cried. I know I didn't show it but I was angry. I was really upset and so helpless. I remember feeling so at loss when I thought of what could've happened if you had really left. I became so paranoid during the long school holidays in December that year, and the year after that, because I was afraid. So afraid. I remember calling you so frequently just to know you're still there. Because I don't want to feel like that anymore. Never.

You asked me, what stopped me when it happened, what made me stopped. It was the very thought of having you feel the same way I did when I thought I had lost you for good forever three years ago.

I remember how we bought little Summer for you a year after that just so that you could be happier after what happened. You told me you named her Summer because she is like the sunshine in your life. But little did we know then that it would only last for two days. I remember feeling so helpless when I saw you crying and you hugged me telling me Summer was gone. She was so young, and it was only for two days but we both know Summer will always be remembered. We bought you another rabbit a few months after that. But I know it wouldn't be the same anymore. And you never named it. I know better to not ask why. I had this blog shortly after Summer went away. Have I told you or did you already know? That this blog was named summerskies after her (:


Words seemed especially hard to be said now with high school ending and us going our separate ways. It seems like these few lines of words are barely be enough to fit in the pieces of everything that has happened in this span of five years that we've went through together. Its difficult. Not knowing whether to say thank you or sorry but either ways you know what I want to say, because goodbye would come after that. We don't know what the future will be like, or if we'll still be the same. We would have different lives, meet many many people in our lives and make more friends in the future. But these memories will remain. You will always be the one. One I'll always remember throughout my five years in high school (:



P/S : Don't cry okay D: DONT CRY.

날 구해.

It will be remembered.
Always, even when the price for its reminiscent is the pain that comes with it.
That moment when you fell and the moment you got back up on your feet on your own.
I hope one day we'll both watch this again, and be able to laugh at it all.

I hope you like who you've become.